Like, Oh my GOD!
by MonMaskedAnge
Summary: ONESHOT Like, this is just like, a funny story... So like, don't like take it like.. seriously.. okay? Like.. yeah. I don't know if I'm going to like.. keep it.. it was just kind of like.. sitting in the back of my like.. mind. Enjoy!


Modern Day.

I woke up with a beer bottle in my hand. My head hurt like hell, and I seriously needed to stop getting smashed. I opened my eyes.

The sun shone down on me like God chewing me out. I closed my eyes again and gave a sob. That hurt my head, so I rolled over and sat there until my eyes had adjusted to the daylight. Then I realized I was on grass.

In front of the Phi Delta Frat Boys.

In my underwear.

Thank god I at least had a shirt on.

With no bra.

Could my life get any worse?

At least I had worn my cute undies.. Like the ones Fergie wears in her video for Big Girls Don't Cry, only green.

The Boys were sitting by some bushes next to the big brick building, watching me intently. They were practically drooling. Even though my head hurt, I ran back to my Sorority building.

I ran into my room, ignoring the stares of the other girls. Everyone knew I was the slut on campus, but truth was, I was a virgin. I had come to school a complete loser. That was only last year. I had wanted to reinvent myself. But not this way.

I remember in high school, I was fat, like, not just fat. Super fat. And I was really ugly. It was like I had never heard of tweezers or something. But I was popular. All because my parents were rich. My parents had never really loved me though. My mom begged me to get Lipo, and a nose job all through high school. But I didn't, at least, not until this guy threw.. well.. that's for another time.

Summer before college started I got lipo and the nose job. I got my first bikini wax, and I started threading my eyebrows. I started using self-tanner and I cut my hair and dyed it blonde. I was pretty.

I still am pretty, and I go out and party with guys like, every night. It's just the life I'm used to now.

I stumbled into my hideously pink room, and jumped on the aspirin bottle. Last night I had left it open, knowing that with a hangover I would never be able to open the child lock. I took two and swished them down with my Evian. Last thing I remember was collapsing on my bed.

Next time I woke up, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. When I opened my eyes, I was looking straight at Morgan Freeman.

Obviously I screamed and fell out of my bed.

"Oh my GOD. Are you God..'s black friend??"

He raised his eyebrows.

"No I'm God. Okay?"

"Are you serious? Cuz like, I thought that was just in the Almighty movies… Are you gonna make me like.. powerful?"

He sighed.

"Okay, I'm short on time, and I need to get this done quick. So, shut up and don't interrupt me."

I opened my mouth to argue. He looked at me coldly.

"Sit."

I did it.

"Okay, really quickly, you just died."

I gasped. "I died?"

"Right. Yes, you just died. Jessica saw you making out with Chris last night, so she killed you with a 9 mm. She put a silencer on it. She didn't get caught."

I almost fainted.

"Okay, we need to hurry this up here. Right so, now you're dead, only you didn't do anything with your slutty life, so… Now you need to do something with it."

"Like, hug a tree or something?"

"No. Not like, hug a tree or something. You need to influence someone's life. I mean, when you died, your mom didn't even cry. She just adopted some kid from China. It's really popular to do that right now."

I knew that already. "Yeah, I mean, they are like... poor and stuff. Wait, she didn't cry?"

"No. She was just glad that she got a girl Chinese. Boys are harder to deal with. Ugh! Focus! I'm sending you to Paris France, and you have to learn to look beneath the surface. Okay? Okay. Goodbye."

He had walked up to me, and I was just about to ask him why, when he hit me on the forehead with his palm. I passed out immediately.

I woke up this time in satin sheets covered by a velvet blanket. My head was under the covers, and frankly, I didn't want to see where I was.

"Christine? Is that you?"

Unfortunately someone pulled back the covers for me. It was a man dressed in all black with a white half mask on the side of his face. He was carrying a silver tray full of food, and a cup of tea. Our eyes met for a moment before we both screamed at the same time. I kicked the tray of food out of his hands, something I would later regret, and I jumped off the bed.

I flew past him and ran into the nearest room. It was a bathroom, and inside a girl was taking a bath. The girl in the bath began to scream along with me and the strange man. I ran back outside and instead took a different door, still screaming. I began to flail my arms and I ran and I ran until I ran into a freezing cold lake. Fan-friggin-tastic.

I was freezing, in my underwear, and now a strange man was looking at me, and the girl was wearing a bathrobe, staring from the bedroom door.

I was also in some sort of cave.

I hate Morgan Freeman now.

"Who are you?" The man said, stomping into the lake.

"Um.. I'm Allison. Who are you? And who are you?" I pointed at the girl who was leaning against the doorframe.

That's when it hit me.

He took me by the arm and led me to the couch.

I just blurted it out. "Oh like.. my total GOD. You're like, the phantom, and you're like.. Christine right? No way! This is so creepy! I mean, I was totally smashed and then like.. now I'm here… and I'm like, not even born yet!"

My eyes got wide, and my mouth was open as I sat there. The Phantom began to look angry, and Christine just looked like a confused pre-teen. Poor kid…

He took me by the forearm, and demanded I get out.

"No friggin' way. Like, your name is Erik right? I have like, nowhere to go… So I'll just be bunking with you for a while… Dig?"

He sneered at me and dragged me into a dark room. He threw me in and locked the door. I could hear him shouting with the woman, but I couldn't really make out what they were saying.

After a while I just fell asleep, too tired from time traveling, meeting god, being a slut, and getting thrown around.


End file.
